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5 ways to let go of the relationships that are holding you back
Posted by: Team Tony
We all want success – in our business, in our finances, in our relationships. So why do so few people actually find fulfillment in all of these areas?
The answer lies in your standards.
“The only thing that will change your life, change your business, change your relationship, is that you must raise your standards,” Tony says. Get rid of negative people who bring you down. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, lend you knowledge and help you learn from your mistakes. Raise your standards for your inner circle.
This concept is also called the law of attraction, and it goes back at least to Confucius in the 6th century BC, who wrote one of the first quotes about surrounding yourself with good people: “If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” The idea that you are who you surround yourself with has lasted this long because it’s true – and you can use it to achieve your dreams in business and in life.
Why is it important to surround yourself with good people?
Have you ever heard someone say, “You are who you hang out with?” If you have kids, you likely worry about them falling in with the wrong crowd – and your parents worried the same for you. That’s because those you spend the most time with have a huge influence on your moods, how you view the world and the expectations you have of yourself. As parents, we instinctively know this, and we want to use this power of proximity to have a positive effect on our children. So why don’t we also use it to our own advantage?
Surrounding yourself with good people can affect every aspect of your life, from business to romantic relationships. When you surround yourself with positivity, you’re more likely to adopt empowering beliefs and see life as happening for you instead of to you. Just as you benefit when you surround yourself with people who make you happy, you suffer when those in your business or social circles are negative or narrow-minded.
How to surround yourself with good people
Proximity is power: Always remember that who you spend the most time with is who you eventually become. To reach new heights of success, you must surround yourself with people who not only inspire you, but challenge you. It isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.
1. Decide to surround yourself with greatness
We all have goals in our lives, but which objectives are musts in your book? The pursuits you choose to invest time in are a reflection of your standards, and so are your relationships. Are you trying to grow your business? If so, then why would you choose to hang around people who bring negativity and distraction into your life? The number one way to begin to surround yourself with positivity is to make the decision, right now, that you are going to raise your standards.
Maybe you’ve just gotten used to having certain people around or are worried about moving on. Don’t let fear ruin your life. When you actively choose to surround yourself with people who make you happy and who share your ambitions, it elevates the standard of what you will or won’t tolerate in your business and your life. Your goals and dreams are worth it – once you believe that, you’ll be unstoppable.
2. Let go of negative relationships
Do you consider yourself a go-getter, yet your business partners and team lack ambition? Are you searching for that next level of success, but are being held back by those around you? Identifying the people in your life who are bringing you down is the first step in making shifts to your peer group or colleagues. Letting go of negative relationships will allow you more time to surround yourself with successful people.
The best way to determine who these individuals are is to think about how you feel after spending time with them. Do you feel good about yourself and ready to take on new challenges? Or do you feel upset, unsure of yourself and not in control of your emotions? Our emotions exist to tell us things – they’re a gift that lets us know what we need to change in order to feel more fulfilled. If you feel drained, fearful or agitated after spending time with someone, it’s a sign they aren’t good for you.
It can often be uncomfortable to step away from relationships that are lacking. You don’t want to burn bridges, and you might have known some of these friends or colleagues for a long time. But it’s essential not to feel obligated because they are “old friends” or feel that you owe them something. Determine what’s driving your decision to stay in these relationships, so that you can change your mindset and free yourself. You’ll be more prepared to focus on what really matters to you and your business.
3. Identify positive people
Just as you likely have negative relationships in your life, you probably already have some positive people in your corner as well. They don’t all have to be the same – in fact, you’ll benefit from having a diverse range of personality types within your group. These four types of people are good to have in your inner circle when you need to surround yourself with positivity.
- Smart people. Surrounding yourself with people who are smarter than you will push you to always keep learning and to stay curious – two essential traits of those who eventually succeed in business.
- Hard workers. Success is about more than smarts – in fact, there are plenty of smart people out there who don’t have the drive to succeed. The hunger of a hard worker inspires everyone around them to do more, be more and achieve more.
- Dreamers and visionaries. The world needs dreamers as much as it needs doers. The visionary in your circle is the one who will entertain your wildest ideas and always encourage you to chase your dreams.
- Positive thinkers. No one is happy all of the time, but there are those who see obstacles as opportunities and those who see them as insurmountable roadblocks. When the going gets tough, you want the first type of person in your life.
4. Join a professional group
If you want to accelerate your success, it’s important to surround yourself with people you can learn from. Finding a mentor is an excellent way to surround yourself with successful people – Tony will tell you that no one does it alone and that he himself had many mentors throughout his life. A mentor is someone who is already getting the results you want. They have a strategy for success, whether they know it or not, and by spending time with them you can develop a similar one. How does this person respond to conflict? How do they network and forge relationships with key contacts? What habits have they established that lead to their greatness? Observe their patterns and see how you can adapt similar ones into your life.
You can also join a mastermind group or another professional group, either online or in person, or work with a business coach who can help you overcome limiting beliefs and seek out uplifting people to spend time around. Not only will the coach be a good person to spend time with, they’ll also be able to help you identify which individuals in your life to limit your exposure to and help you seek out new venues for forging beneficial relationships.
5. Get outside your comfort zone
As Tony says, “All growth starts at the end of your comfort zone.” To surround yourself with good people who will take you to the next level, you need to spend time where they are. Ambitious people attend seminars and workshops that feed their minds and cause them to stretch themselves. They expose themselves to those with different perspectives and continually push themselves out of their comfort zones.
Tony Robbins has spent decades working with top business leaders and influencers throughout various industries. By surrounding himself with the best in the business world, Tony has been able to learn the strategies necessary for any business to thrive. At Business Mastery, the five-day event that will transform your business, you will be surrounded by world-class speakers and like-minded individuals who are hungry to succeed.
Hear from experts and meet others like yourself who are searching for the knowledge needed to take their businesses to the next level. By bringing success into your life and attending Business Mastery, you not only gain exposure to some of the most hardworking, driven people in the world, but you recognize that your dreams are worth fighting for.
Surround yourself with good people: Quotes to inspire action
The world’s most successful people – in business, politics and more – agree that you are who you surround yourself with. But don’t take it from us – they’ve said it themselves.
1. “If we surround ourselves with people who are successful, who are forward-moving, who are positive, who are focused on producing results, who support us, it will challenge us to be more and do more and share more. If you can surround yourself with people who will never let you settle for less than you can be, you have the greatest gift that anyone can hope for.” – Tony Robbins
2. “The quality of a person’s life is most often a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.” – Tony Robbins
3. “We all get what we tolerate, in ourselves and other people.” – Tony Robbins
4. “The only thing that changes our life long-term is when we raise our standards.” – Tony Robbins
5. “Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who’ll argue with you.” – John Wooden
6. “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain
7. “Surround yourself with those who only lift you higher.” – Oprah Winfrey
8. “It’s better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you’ll drift in that direction.” – Warren Buffett
9. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
10. “People inspire you, or they drain you – pick them wisely.” – Hans F. Hansen